A Present for the Ghost of Christmas Present. Gaming Commission Vacates Tortoise vs. Hare Results. Allison Christy hosts. Continue reading
A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Retail Correspondent,
teamblood.org | @jocelynk414
Sharp eyed citizens (or those haunted by seven-years’-dead business partners) caught a special holiday sight yesterday at the local mall. The Ghost of Christmas Present returned! Yes, the massive, jolly, be-robed spirit once again walked amongst the populace, strolling in and out of the cheerfully decorated stores, from the Williams-Sonoma to the Eddie Bauer, from one anchor department store to the other. Less noticeable were his two companions, an emaciated young boy and girl who even the cheeriest shoppers didn’t seem to see.
“Merry Christmas!!” the Ghost boomed to all, though only a few souls ever heard his voice in the back of their conscious minds. “Come and know me better! It’s my one day to walk and talk with you all, and by midnight, I’ll be dead! Ho, ho! What a time to be alive!”
A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Sports Correspondent,
idiotprufs.com | @idiotprufs
LAS VEGAS, NV–In a shocking turn of events, the Nevada Gaming Commission has vacated the results of the infamous Tortoise vs. Hare race. The gaming commission, following an extensive investigation, has determined the results to have been unduly influenced by outside manipulation.
“Our suspicions were first piqued by the fact that hares tend to be very quick animals, while tortoises tend to be extremely slow animals, almost painfully so. Have you ever found yourself stuck in line at the supermarket behind a tortoise? It’s just a nightmare,” the gaming commissioner said.
The commissioner also reported suspicious activity in wagering surrounding the race. “Basically just the idea that anyone would bet heavily on a tortoise to defeat a hare in any kind of race is highly suspicious.” Continue reading
Author, Eric Wilder (that’s me), was part of a panel discussion on NPR’s Rochester affiliate WXXI. What words of wisdom did he bestow upon the listening public? Click the link and find for yourself!
Let him know where he got it wrong in the comments section below. Cheers!
REYKJAVIK, ICELAND–The notorious YouTube sensation and thrill-seeking Eenie Meenie Miney group have struck again, but this time, the thrill struck back. “Everyone’s done tigers,” says cult star Mo, leader of the gang. “We wanted to up the ante.”
And how. Iceland is one of the few countries left to host a small but mighty population of the felis-avian species–known in pop culture as gryphons.
Led by a local Inuit guide, the group snuck up on a slumbering specimen, roughly the size of an African lion, and seized him by one hind toe. The feathery feline woke promptly, snatched Mo’s hat from his head and tore it into three pieces–the guide said–as a warning. Continue reading
At a local university, a disagreement between two rival professors has taken a more serious turn. Rapunzel Green, the daughter of one professor, is now locked in a disused and inaccessible tower on campus. She is being held prisoner by the Old Enchantress, who also happens to be the Dean of Magic and Horticultural Studies.
“He poached on my area of study when he published an article on magic beans in the Journal of Paranormal Botany,” she said haughtily. “Everyone knows that I’m the expert on that! But he didn’t make me a co-author or even cite my works. So I took his daughter and locked her in my tower as punishment. Hmpf. That’ll teach him to mess with the academic hierarchy!” Continue reading
I, Humpty is now available for purchase in four different formats. You can get buy the paperback on amazon.com and barnesandnoble.com. There is a hardcover book also available. The ebook is available on amazon.com. I, Humpty is also available as an audiobook on iTunes and audible.com. You are invited to take a look, or listen… or both. Cheers!
Larry Shampoe with the disappointment of Dante’s Travel Agency. Jocelyn Koehler reports on how an orphan’s outlandish request leads to ouster. Allison Christie hosts!
The board of the local human capital management services corporation, overseen by Mr. Bumble, has just announced the liquidation of an asset. One Oliver Twist, nine years of age, is available as an apprentice (any trade), and even includes a five pound signing bonus.
Westfield, NY–When Virgil and Beatrice, an unassuming couple from a small town in Western New York, booked a vacation package through Dante’s Travel Agency, they were anticipating a needed injection of excitement into their life, a break from the humdrum. “We purchased the Inferno package,” Beatrice explained, “it seemed like it would be fiery and exhilarating.”
The vacation they got was not what they anticipated.