May You Live Happily Ever After

15 Jan

Hello, readers. It is with great sadness that I must inform you that this is will be the last post for the foreseeable future. New opportunities have arisen that will require a great deal of my energies and attention if I am to take full advantage of them. I thank you for all of your support. I hope that you have enjoyed visiting this site as much as I’ve enjoyed creating it.

Special thanks the many writers who have contributed their talents to the Grimm Report over the years. I’ll be keeping the site up so that you can check out their work, and encourage you to do so.

May you live happily ever after.

Eric C. Wilder

End of the Road for Inventor? Daedalus Held for Suspicious Death

14 Jan
A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Mythical Correspondent,
Jocelyn Koehler
teamblood.org | @jocelynk414

Local authorities are still warning people to stay away from the site of a suspicious death. In addition to the body of Icarus (age 18), the only clues recovered were a pile of melted wax and feathers, and the rambling statement of one Daedalus, an older man who was found near the scene. He is now being held as a Person of Interest in the death.

“I told him not to do it,” said Daedalus, speaking to the media from a podium in front of the courthouse after the hearing. He explained that both he and his son were flying with the homemade wings, and that the death was a tragic accident. “I said, don’t fly too low because the damp sea air will loosen the feathers. And not too high because the sun will melt the wax. Poor sweet Icarus! Couldn’t follow the most basic instructions!” Daedalus then broke down into tears borne of equal parts rage and grief.

According to the police, the body was confirmed to be that of Daedalus’ son Icarus, and the wax and feathers covering him seemed to indicate a bizarre “tar and feathering” hate crime. The official police statement disregarded Daedalus’ explanation, which was that the victim was flying under wax-and-wing power. “Um, no,” the police spokesman said the same afternoon. “Basic physics says that’s just not happening. Humans can wear all the feathers they want, but they can’t flap their arms and fly. We are exploring the possibility that hallucinogens were involved.”

Continue reading

Bremen’s Battle of the Bands Goes to the Dogs

20 Dec


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A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Musical Correspondent,
Jocelyn Koehler
teamblood.org | @jocelynk414

The Bremen Town Battle of the Bands Contest came to an unexpected end yesterday.

The popular contest traditionally attracts a lot of talent, from unknown locals to established acts that travel quite a ways to compete.

But this year’s contest wasn’t like the others. Most of the bands arrived early for set up and sound check, and the showrunners expected well over twenty acts to play during the afternoon.

Then a new arrival threw everything into chaos. The Pied Piper walked into the square and offered to rid the town of all the pesky musicians for the reasonable fee of 1000 deutschmarks. Continue reading

Grimm Report Podcast for December 12th, 2014

12 Dec

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A Present for the Ghost of Christmas Present. Gaming Commission Vacates Tortoise vs. Hare Results. Allison Christy hosts. Continue reading

A Present for the Ghost of Christmas Present

3 Dec


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A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Retail Correspondent,
Jocelyn Koehler
teamblood.org | @jocelynk414

Sharp eyed citizens (or those haunted by seven-years’-dead business partners) caught a special holiday sight yesterday at the local mall. The Ghost of Christmas Present returned! Yes, the massive, jolly, be-robed spirit once again walked amongst the populace, strolling in and out of the cheerfully decorated stores, from the Williams-Sonoma to the Eddie Bauer, from one anchor department store to the other. Less noticeable were his two companions, an emaciated young boy and girl who even the cheeriest shoppers didn’t seem to see.

“Merry Christmas!!” the Ghost boomed to all, though only a few souls ever heard his voice in the back of their conscious minds. “Come and know me better! It’s my one day to walk and talk with you all, and by midnight, I’ll be dead! Ho, ho! What a time to be alive!”

Continue reading

Gaming Commission Vacates Tortoise vs. Hare Results

24 Nov


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A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Sports Correspondent,
Larry Shampoe
idiotprufs.com @idiotprufs

LAS VEGAS, NV–In a shocking turn of events, the Nevada Gaming Commission has vacated the results of the infamous Tortoise vs. Hare race. The gaming commission, following an extensive investigation, has determined the results to have been unduly influenced by outside manipulation.

“Our suspicions were first piqued by the fact that hares tend to be very quick animals, while tortoises tend to be extremely slow animals, almost painfully so. Have you ever found yourself stuck in line at the supermarket behind a tortoise? It’s just a nightmare,” the gaming commissioner said.

The commissioner also reported suspicious activity in wagering surrounding the race. “Basically just the idea that anyone would bet heavily on a tortoise to defeat a hare in any kind of race is highly suspicious.” Continue reading

I, Humpty & Grimm Report Featured On Public Radio

18 Nov

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Author, Eric Wilder (that’s me), was part of a panel discussion on NPR’s Rochester affiliate WXXI. What words of wisdom did he bestow upon the listening public? Click the link and find for yourself!

Writing and the Book Industry

Let him know where he got it wrong in the comments section below. Cheers!

 

Thrill Seekers Grab Gryphon by the Toe, Unsure What to Do Next

16 Nov

A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Furry Creatures Correspondent,
Jess E. Owen
jessowen.com | @JE_Owen

REYKJAVIK, ICELAND–The notorious YouTube sensation and thrill-seeking Eenie Meenie Miney group have struck again, but this time, the thrill struck back. “Everyone’s done tigers,” says cult star Mo, leader of the gang. “We wanted to up the ante.”

And how. Iceland is one of the few countries left to host a small but mighty population of the felis-avian species–known in pop culture as gryphons.

Led by a local Inuit guide, the group snuck up on a slumbering specimen, roughly the size of an African lion, and seized him by one hind toe. The feathery feline woke promptly, snatched Mo’s hat from his head and tore it into three pieces–the guide said–as a warning. Continue reading

Rapunzel Imprisoned in Ivory Tower Following Academic Dispute

3 Nov

A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Education Correspondent,
Jocelyn Koehler
http://teamblood.org | @jocelynk414

At a local university, a disagreement between two rival professors has taken a more serious turn. Rapunzel Green, the daughter of one professor, is now locked in a disused and inaccessible tower on campus. She is being held prisoner by the Old Enchantress, who also happens to be the Dean of Magic and Horticultural Studies.

“He poached on my area of study when he published an article on magic beans in the Journal of Paranormal Botany,” she said haughtily. “Everyone knows that I’m the expert on that! But he didn’t make me a co-author or even cite my works. So I took his daughter and locked her in my tower as punishment. Hmpf. That’ll teach him to mess with the academic hierarchy!” Continue reading

I, Humpty is Now Available in Four Formats

21 Oct

I, Humpty by Eric Wilder

I, Humpty is now available for purchase in four different formats. You can get buy the paperback on amazon.com and barnesandnoble.com. There is a hardcover book also available. The ebook is available on amazon.com. I, Humpty is also available as an audiobook on iTunes and audible.com. You are invited to take a look, or listen… or both. Cheers!

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